Kvetchers

You'd think the Israelite would be grateful. G-d had just delivered them from 400 years of slavery. He'd performed amazing miracles, punished their oppressors, arranged things so they would leave with tons of gold and silver and other worldly possessions, and is leading them by a pillar of fire to freedom and a promised land of milk and honey. You'd think they would appreciate everything that was given to them and be grateful and happy. Hah!

Remember, these are early stage Jews we are talking about. Granted, it will take the (spoiler alert) giving of the Torah and various historical events to create the Jews of today, but the basics were already there. And the one thing Jews do better than anyone else is complain. We even have names for different modes of complaining: Kvetch, groan, nag, moan, whine, krechtzen (you don't know this one? It's my father's favorite).

And the Israelite who came out of Egypt did not invent it. Even Avraham had some slips of self pity, not to mention outright challenging of the Almighty. Just a few parashot ago, Ya'akov kvetches to Pharaoh that his life was short and bad (as if). Apparently, it's a family trait.

What do the Israelite complain about? Everything. And they don't wait too long to do it.

First, there is the "What? There aren't enough graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?" (Exodus 14:11-12). Then they nag about the bad tasting water (Exodus 15:24). Then there isn't enough food (Exodus 16:2-3). You notice they space their complaints so there is one per chapter. They end up (for this parasha, don't worry, there are many more complaints ahead later) with a complaint because there is no water (Exodus 17:2-3).  It sort of reminds one of traveling with little kids, doesn't it? It's a testament to Moshe's greatness that he did not send them right back to Egypt.

And don't think that things have changed much since then. My friend Debbie tells a (true) story about her kids. It seems that years ago, when they were little, one afternoon she and her husband Hal found themselves having no dinner ready when dinner time rolled around and decided to treat the kids to a dinner that (they foolishly thought) will satisfy everyone: ice cream for dinner! What a novel idea. Anyway, the kids still found things to complain about: I don't like this flavor, how come we don't have my favorite topping, can't we have something else and so on.

So you see Jews have not changed much since the exodus. Since starting this blog (and believe me, for a techno-phobe like me, a blog is a very big deal), I have had endless complaints from friends and family. Here is a short list:

"There aren't enough pictures. My friend has a blog and she has many pictures. How come yours doesn't have pictures?"

"It's too long"

"You did not discuss anything relating to the parasha"

"There is too much 'religious' stuff"

"This line is off-putting"

"You're making fun of my mom" (guess who said that)

"You'd better be careful what you're writing because I will be reading it" (I think that was a threat but what do I know).

"The recipes are too complicated"

"I don't like.... " (whatever ingredient was there)

"You have to be more careful of people's feelings" (Huh??)

"Your blog is only for women" 

"You're bad-mouthing men" (As if it's my fault they behave that way).

I am not Moshe (never could grow a decent beard, can't carry heavy tablets, never mind that "40 days on top of the mountain without food"). So my answer to kvetchers is to kvetch back.

Kvetch is an Yiddish word that originally meant to crush or press. In modern Hebrew kvetch came to mean mash, as in mashed potatoes.

I like mashed potatoes. It's such an ultimate comfort food. But I couldn't possibly get away with giving you a recipe for mashed potatoes. A. Everyone knows how to make this. B. It will add to the list of complaints ("It's not creative enough").

Some years ago (ok, ok, many years ago), I have discovered yams. Of course, I have encountered yams before, but it was always on Thanksgiving and they were always awfully sweet and covered with melting marshmallows. Not that I'm complaining,.... well, ok, yes, I am complaining (being Jewish and all). Yams are so sweet on their own that adding sugar and marshmallows is really an overkill unless we're talking dessert. Then one day my Natural Healing teacher gave a class on yams and I found out you can serve them in savory ways. Who knew?

Went back home (we were still in an apartment then, sans kids) and made the following:

Kvetchers' kvetch
(a "kvetch"ed dish to soothe even the worst complainers)

2 large white potatoes (all purpose or baking potatoes)

2 large yams (about the same size as the white potatoes)

1 medium onion, chopped

1 cup (or more, if you really like them) white mushrooms, sliced

Salt, pepper, granulated garlic, paprika

Oil (not olive oil) for frying

Peel and cube potatoes and yams. Cover with water and cook in separate pots (one for potatoes, one for yams) until very soft. Drain and reserve 1/4 cup or so of the cooking liquid (I just don't drain them too well).

Mash each separately.

Meanwhile, saute the onion in a little oil (about 4 tablespoons. You can use less but it won't be as good and you'll have to watch it constantly) over medium-high heat until it starts to turn golden brown. Do NOT use a non stick skillet. Things won't brown as well and the flavor will be different.

Add sliced mushrooms and cook until they brown. This may take a few minutes (10 or so) because they first have to get rid of their liquids. Be patient, Stir occasionally and wait until they shrink, brown and the skillet is not filled with liquid (there will be some liquid).

Season generously with salt, pepper, garlic and paprika. Cook another minute or two until the spices are mixed with the pan liquids and coat the mushrooms and onion well.

Arrange mashed potatoes on half of a serving platter, Arrange mashed yams on other half, Top both with onion-mushroom mix. Serve warm. This is for fancy presentation.

For true comfort food: Mix mashed yams and potatoes but not too well (you should have streaks of white and orange in the mix, along with parts that are truly mixed). Add the onion-mushroom mix and mix it (not very thoroughly) into the potatoes and yams.

Eat with a large spoon. Share only with those who will sympathize with your kvetching.

This will probably make you thirsty (I told you to be generous with the seasonings). Go out in the yard, find a likely rock and smack it with a walking stick. It worked for Moshe, didn't it?