All accounted for

When my daughter went to Europe two summers ago with a group of teenagers, their leaders kept counting them. It became very annoying. Every time they moved, they had to "Do the count". It doesn't take too long. Every kid was assigned a number and had to announce it in the proper order. The kids grumbled and whined (teenagers, you know) but the leaders were very strict about it. Because, as you can imagine, the leaders knew that if anything happened to any one of those kids, we, the parents, will kill them in very painful ways.

When you are in charge of a large group of people, when you are responsible for their safety and well being, one of the things you want to be very diligent about is making sure that you haven't lost any of them along the way.

The Israelites were wandering in a desert. Not the safest place in the world. So, of course, G-d, who was responsible for their safety and well being, was concerned about every aspect of their daily life. And the most basic thing is the answer to the question: "Is everyone present and accounted for?" So G-d made them "Do the count". Because what if someone got lost, or was left behind at the last oasis, or just slipped and fell and is now 3 miles back and can't find the way?


Incidentally, the "Count" was proved to be essential. In a rest stop somewhere in Italy, my daughter came out of the restroom to find that the bus left without her. Luckily, they were doing the count as they drove away and realized she was missing before the bus was too far down the highway. Aren't we glad now that G-d counted the Israelites? According to Ramban, every Jew is important to G-d. So He doesn't want any of us to get lost. I sure hope that this is still true. Sometimes we get lost, don't we? Isn't it nice to think that G-d is always counting us and will come looking for us if we are lost? 

My cooking style is not very rigid. I sort of wing it most of the time. But here is a recipe where the most difficult part is to follow the instructions precisely, especially the counting (of minutes, and amounts.)




Majadra

3 cups lentils (use the regular ones you buy at the supermarket)
12 cups water
3 cups rice (I use Basmati but any long grain will do. You can use brown but the texture is different)
1 cup oil plus more for frying
3 tsp coarse (kosher) salt
4-5 large onions, chopped


Start the night before: Soak the lentils in the water and leave for 8-12 hours.
Drain the lentils, reserving 5 and 1/2 cups of the soaking water.
In a very large pot put: lentils, rice, oil, salt and the water you reserved.
Bring to a boil over high heat.
Turn heat to the lowest you can, cover the pot well and cook for exactly 20 minutes. Do not open the lid.
Turn the heat off and leave the pot alone for exactly 20 minutes. Do not open the lid!!!
Meanwhile, fry the chopped onions in a good amount of oil (like you would for frying latkes) until they start to brown.
Using a slotted spoon, scoop the onions out of the oil (do not drain them too well) and transfer to the large pot. 
Mix really well. It's not easy to mix so be patient. I usually put the pot on the kitchen floor and kneel next to it to stir. It gives me better leverage and saves some aches and pains in my arms and shoulders.

Serves a LOT. Seriously. This recipe makes enough for at least 20 servings. But don't worry. It keeps very well in the fridge for at least a week. It freezes beautifully and thaws easily. It is great warm, hot or cold. It is vegan (and so parve). It is wonderful as a topping for salad, a side dish or a main course (try topping it with plain yogurt.) 



And if you get lost - trust that G-d will come looking for you once He does "The Count". 

Huh?

Parashat Tzav is very confusing. There are so many types of sacrifices. And each has its own sub categories. And each has detailed and precise steps to it. I am beginning to feel sorry for the Kohanim. Poor men. It must have taken 3 years of study just to figure out the simple, everyday process. Never mind the holiday stuff. I suppose that's why the high priest was held in such esteem. The man knew so much he could do the Yom Kippur stuff while fasting. Awesome.

Anyway, for us simple mortals, just reading the parasha can result in a migraine. Maybe I'll try a flow chart.... Next year, G-d willing.

But Tzav was the parasha of my youngest's Bat Mitzva and so I have a fondness for it. Also, it speaks to me because there are a lot of meat and grains being cooked. Some to be eaten by the kohanim, some to be eaten by the people, some to be totally burned on the altar. And it's all, as I said, very confusing.

Incidentally, I have finally managed to get my kubbeh the way we like it and that's a very confusing, complicated recipe, too. So it fits. I think.

The great thing about this is that it cleaned out both the pantry and the freezer of non-Pesach stuff. Just in time for Pesach. (Note to my friend Debbie: I know, I know, I should have posted this earlier so you could have utilized it on time. Soooorrrry)

Now, for this recipe you need to buy something called bulgur (the spelling might be different in your store). In Hebrew, for some reason, it is called burgul. Same thing. This is a wheat product. The closest I can describe it is "wheat groats". And here is the important part: there are three or four levels of 'grind' available. You'll need the extra fine one. Best place to look for it is Israeli stores. Middle Eastern ones carry it, too (like Corrado's in Paterson) but the hechsher is iffy (as in: I am not sure if it has hechsher). So first obtain this and get some farina as well (this is sort of like cream of wheat)

Got everything? Let's cook.


Iraqi Kubbeh



Dough:

2 1/4 cups extra fine bulgur, soaked for one hour in plenty of water than drained (use very fine sieve) and extra water squeezed out.
2 cups farina
2-3 Tbs olive oil
1 egg
1 tsp turmeric
3/4 -1 tsp salt

Filling:

1/4 cup lightly toasted pine nuts
1/4 cup coarsely chopped and lightly roasted walnuts
5 Tbs vegetable or olive oil
1 pound ground meat (beef, lamb, turkey or a mix)
Leaves from 8 stems of parsley, chopped
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp hot or smoked paprika
1/2 tsp cinnamon

 Soup:

2 medium beets, peeled and cubed
1 small butternut squash, peeled and cubed (or any other kind of squash)
1 small onion, chopped
2 Tbs olive oil
6-10 cups water (or broth if you want a richer flavor)
1 Tbs sugar
Juice from 1 1/2 lemons (fresh juice, please)
1 Tbs chicken bullion (the Israeli brands are very good and you can get the kind without MSG)
1 tsp hot paprika
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp turmeric
1/8 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp coriander


1. Mix all filling ingredients and put in the fridge for 30 minutes.

2. After draining and squeezing the bulghur, combine it with the rest of the dough  ingredients (start with the smaller amounts and add as needed). Knead it for a while until you have a mix that you can work with. You will need to make balls from it and then fill them so the mixture needs to hold together but be flexible enough to be shaped. It takes some practice to get the right consistency.  

3. Form dough into balls that are slightly smaller than tennis balls. Flatten each ball in the palm of your hand so it form a nest. 

4. Put about 2-3 teaspoons of filling in the 'nest' and close it to form a ball. Important: this is a frustrating step as the dough will insist on either not sticking, tearing or mixing with the meat. Again, it takes practice. The goal is to form filled balls where the filling is completely engulfed in the dough, but the walls of the ball are not so thick that the filling gets lost in the dough. Keep wetting your palms. It helps in the shaping of the dough.

5. Line up the filled balls on a platter. They can wait a little until you make the soup. You will have about 15-22 balls, depending on individual sizes, your technique and so on.

6. In a very wide, quite deep pot (I suppose I mean 'dutch oven'), saute the onion in oil until slightly browned. Add spices and mix for a minute over medium heat. Add beets and squash. Mix to coat the veggies with the spices. Add 6 cups of water or broth and bring to a boil.

7. Carefully add filled balls, one by one, gently lowering each into the boiling broth. Add liquids as needed to cover the balls. Return to boil.

8. Lower heat to low. Cook, partially covered for 45-60 minutes, until vegetables are soft and the kubbeh (that's the proper name for the filled balls of meat and dough) are a nice pinkish color. Turn kubbeh over halfway through cooking. Keep adding liquids to keep the kubbeh covered at least 3/4 of the way.

Serving size: 2 kubbeh served with some of the liquid and veggies.

Warning: This is not nearly as good the next day. Unfortunately it makes a lot so you'd better practice on smaller amounts and make the whole thing only for a crowd. 

And: you may have plenty of filling leftover (depending on how well you can stuff the kubbeh without them tearing apart). If you add some binder (breadcrumbs, leftover cooked rice, flour, even ground potatoes) they make excellent meat patties. Just fry them in more oil than you would regular patties.


And if you think this recipe is complicated, just go and read parashat Tzav.

Playing dress-up

Clothes, everyone says, make the man. I happen to ignore fashion as much as I can so I suppose I am un-made. Oh, well.

What do the High Priest's clothes make of the High Priest? Well, there's a lot of gold and precious stones and excellent fabrics. So we can assume that it makes him impressive and gets him respect from the people as befitting his high station. You know the dangers of assuming, right?

In Shemot, chapter 28, verses 9-12 there is a description of two stones that Aharon has to carry on his shoulders. The names of all the tribes are to be written on these stones. Stones! on his shoulders! And the guy is no youngster, you know, he is Moshe's older brother.

Then, later in the chapter there is a description of the choshen, a heavy gold tablet embedded with precious stones (!) that the poor guy has to carry upon his heart (Verses 29-30) at all times.

Are they trying to kill the man?

Aharon, and every Kohen Gadol after him, must remember at all times that, even if they are dressed in gold, rubies and silk, they are nothing more than emissaries before G-d. They are there to perform a duty. And they are there with a (heavy) responsibility. Which is why they have to carry it upon their shoulders and their heart. Caring for people is not an easy task. At times you really do feel as if they are sitting on your shoulders like an albatross. And certainly the Israelites are heavy on one's heart. Look what they did to Moshe. So a high priest must never think himself too high and mighty because he is well dressed and speaks to G-d in the holy of hollies. The stones on his shoulders and upon his heart are to remind him of the heavy load of responsibility. Of the people on whose behalf he is speaking to G-d.

We can only hope that our spiritual leaders today will remember this even without wearing rocks around their necks.

All the gold in this parasha reminds me of squash. I know, I know, who makes these associations? Well, I do. I don't care for actual gold, but I do care for golden food. Like squash (butternut or acorn or even pumpkin). My friend Lisa makes these squash muffins that my children love. What could I do? I asked for the recipe.


Squash Muffins


Mix together:

3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp nutmeg


In another bowl mix:

1 cup milk (can be soy or coconut, if you want it parve)
1 and 1/2 cups cooked, mashed squash
1/2 cup softened margarine (can use soy)
2 eggs.



Add wet mixture to dry. Mix only until everything is wet. Do not overmix.
Put in muffin tins (either sprayed or lined).
Bake at 350F for 22 minutes, then at 300F for an extra 10 minutes.

I do not know how many this makes as they seem to disappear the minute I take them out of the oven. Call it 18 muffins.

Basics

I read the list of important rules Moshe gives the Israelites this week and I gotta wonder: Were these people dumb, or just really, really stupid? They don't know that you should be fair in court? that you need to pay for losses or damages? that you should not lie? Seriously? But these are such basic rules. Any child knows them.

Well, yeah. Now they do. We all live in a (more or less) civilized society. No one but a criminal will think of stealing, killing or taking bribes. We tend to take it for granted. Or, at most, consider it something that all civilized people know instinctively.

But for most of human history, this was not at all true. Usually, what happened was that the strongest person ruled and they were as nice or as horrid as their personality allowed. The peasants managed to survive by copying their rulers. Thus, if the king was a mad sadist, the rest of the country managed to be cruel and nasty to each other: steal, cheat, fight and kill.

Unfortunately, this is human nature. Power corrupts. If no one will stop you, you'll do whatever you want. Like a two year old. The only reason our society does not behave like a bunch of terrible twos is that parents, as emissaries of law and order, drill it into the kids when they are still young enough to have to obey. We mold these kids into decent human beings or the world would be run over with little Stalins.

And the only reason we have law and order and the notion of decent behavior is because, a long long long time ago, one man stood in the desert and explained that this is how G-d wants us to be. And it became so wide spread that now we take it for granted as if it is a basic instinct.

But our ancestors in the desert had no idea about such newfangled notions. They knew that the strong (Egyptians) oppress the weak (Jews) and make them do whatever the strong want them to do, to the benefit of the strong, at the expense of the weak. That's no way to run a culture, you say? Need I remind you of the many, many, human cultures that were run exactly like that? Granted, they all fail eventually, but a slave has no vision of 'eventually'.

So G-d had to teach them the basics. And thank G-d He did.

I learned how to make the following dish from my neighbor, Donna, who was into Indian flavors. It's rice, so it's basic, yet it has some twists. It comes out a rich sunny shade of yellow and the spices make it perfumed.

Of course, I made it so many times, that my kids think it's no big deal. Just basic food, ya know?


Yellow Rice


2 cups Basmati rice
2 and 2/3 cups water
1 and 1/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp turmeric
3-4 whole cloves
1 inch long cinnamon stick
3 bay leaves
3 Tbs butter or margarine


Wash rice thoroughly and soak in 5 cups of water for about 30 minutes. Drain.
Combine rice and the rest of the ingredients, except the butter, in a pot. Bring to a boil. Cover well and cook 25 minutes over very low heat.
Turn the heat off and leave the pot unopened for another 10 minutes.
Gently mix butter in.
Remove cinnamon stick, cloves and bay leaves before serving.

Serves 4-6




And never, ever, ever, take our civilized society for granted. 

Walkabout

When a parasha is called "Get going", you assume there will be lots of moving around. And there certainly is plenty of walking in this week's parasha. 

Avraham has ants in his pants. The man cannot sit still for a second. From the moment we meet him for the first time he is already on the move. And he keeps moving all through the parasha. It's almost as if G-d finally came up with circumcision as a strategy to keep Avraham in one place for more than a few days, so He can come visit (next parasha, spoiler alert) with an important message. 

Where is the man going? Everywhere. The original wandering Jew. And everywhere he goes, he has a profound effect on the people he meets and even on the lands he passes through. 

What does Avraham bring along with him? A new idea. A new religion. A new philosophy. 

We don't really hear about the people he had influenced except in a roundabout way. We know he is gaining fame as a rich person, a warrior (when did that happen? he usually avoids conflict like the plague), a fair person, a righteous person. 

The people of the Levant has never seen such a thing. They are used to hardy nomads. And desert dwellers certainly have their own code of honor; but Avraham had a higher authority to back up his code.

We know he was a great host. So we can imagine he usually had guests for dinner. And after everyone ate their fill, you know they all sat around the fire (leaving it to the women to do the dishes, as usual) and shmoozed. Even if the word shmooze was not invented yet, they did shmooze. People told stories, asked questions, gossiped, exchanged information. And surely some of them asked the following question: "Reb Avaraham, we have heard about you. Your reputation spreads far and wide. They say you are against child sacrifice. Can you explain why that is so? I mean, without child sacrifice, the crops will surely fail, no? Do you wish for people to starve?" (BTW, I used child sacrifice as an example; you can insert any pagan rite you prefer instead.)

And Avraham would explain, talking in a quiet, measured voice, long into the night. About the one and only G-d, about the sacredness of life, about inner contemplation and striving to be closer to the creator. And people listened. Not everyone and not everywhere. But little by little Avraham and Sarah "made souls" - talked people into being better and doing better and living a better, more moral life.


Among the dishes served around the fire, all through their wanderings around the Levant, the following dish would have been a staple. It requires no cooking, it uses ingredients that are widespread in the area (even if not here in the USA), it's quick to put together, it doesn't require refrigeration and it's extremely refreshing in the desert heat.

It's called tabbouleh and this is one version of it:


Tabbouleh

1 cup medium grind bulghur (see note)
2-3 garlic cloves, minced
Juice from 2 large lemons (do not use bottled juice)
Salt to taste
6-7 Tbs extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup mint leaves, thinly sliced
1 large tomato, cubed (1/2 inch cubes)
3 cups parsley leaves, thinly sliced (see note)


Rinse bulghur in plenty of fresh water, changing water a few times.
Cover with fresh water and let rest 30 minutes.
Drain well and squeeze out (using your hands, over a strainer) most of the water
Mix garlic, lemon juice and a bit of salt. Add oil and mix.
Add tomato.
Add bulghur and mix.
Add mint and parsley. Mix well. 
Serve cold or at room temperature. The salad keeps well in the fridge but will taste best the day it is made.

Makes 8 servings

Note: Bulghur (or bulgur) is a sort of cracked wheat product. Do not substitute cracked wheat, though, as it is different. Look for bulghur and try to find "Medium grind" or "medium". Some supermarkets have it and Middle eastern stores have it for sure (and there you will also find different levels of grind.)

Note: Slicing the parsley (and the mint) should be done in back and forth motions as opposed to up and down, to prevent the leaves from releasing too much juice, which will make the dish a little bitter. Don't sweat it, just do the best you can.




And start walking. It's good exercise and you meet all kinds of people and adventures. Look where it got Avraham.

Preparations

It's that time of the year again. Even those of us who try to leave things for the last minute are getting started on their Pesach cleaning and/or preparations. In about 5 weeks, our homes must be chametz-free. 

(BTW, if you have not started yet, please don't feel bad. I personally know people who start their Pesach work half an hour before the first Seder, and they're the hosts. So you're fine. Really).

This week's parasha talks about the priests. Who are they to be, what will they wear, what sort of stuff will be used on the altar during their dedication as the first ever priests of Hashem. It reads almost as a report in the social pages "What will Aharon wear for the great ceremony? Who got an invite and who is out in the cold? what will be served at the banquet?". 

And, of course, it is that last piece that caught my eye. What does G-d wish for us to put on His altar? Most people know about the animal sacrifice and indeed there are detailed instructions on which animals, how many, which parts of the animal and how to use each part during the sacrifice ceremony. 

But G-d also asks for bread. And here is an interesting thing. Every other sacrifice we are instructed to bring to G-d is usually described as the best that we have. Which makes sense because how else will it be a sacrifice? But the breads that the priests are to bring before G-d are described as flat breads. They are actually called "matzoh". There are 3 types of flour products in this week's parasha: bread, challah and crackers. And the word "matzoh" is used as an adjective for all three. 

Matzoh? G-d wants matzoh as a sacrifice? I don't know about you but giving up matzoh does not sound like a sacrifice to me. What is G-d trying to point out to us here?

Matzoh is the bread of affliction. The bread of poor people who don't have time or money to make their bread rise. On a spiritual level, matzoh is the symbol of being humble, of not being full of yourself, of not putting on airs. Without the yeast to fill it with air and puff it up, matzoh-type bread is humble. It's not pushy or showoff-y or trying always to be the center of attention. Why in the world did G-d choose this kind of bread for His altar?

Maybe because, when one makes such bread, one will have to think about exactly this sort of thing. Like the matzoh bread (and the matzoh challah and matzoh crackers), one will be forced to leave all "airs" behind and approach G-d without arrogance, without self importance, without grandeur. Stripped of our titles and social standing, we approach Him as simple and innocent as children, with only our "basic ingredients".

This week, when you start (Or continue. Or plan.) your Pesach preparations, along with the pieces of chametz, toss out the leavening of your soul. Everything that makes us think too much of ourselves, that makes us impatient with others because we are so important that we "deserve better", that makes us angry or annoyed with our loved ones who "failed to appreciate us". Let us clear these chametz pieces from our souls and from our relationships and let us be humble before G-d and His creation. Let us be like matzoh so we will be worthy of appearing before G-d.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, we start getting rid of physical chametz. Here is a recipe for Israeli style pita-bread that will help speed the process by using up not only flour but yeast, as well. And, just to tie it in to the parasha some more, this is so delicious simply dipped in olive oil, the kind mentioned at the very beginning of the parasha.

Best pita ever

1 Tablespoonful dry yeast
1 Tbs sugar
4 cups less one tablespoon flour
1 1/2  less one tablespoon warm water
2 tsp salt


1. Dissolve sugar in half a cup of the water. Sprinkle yeast and let rise for 10-15 minutes. Yeast should foam.

2. In a mixer, mix flour, the rest of the water and the yeast for one minute.

3. Add salt. Knead 5 minutes until a soft, smooth, non-sticky dough forms (you can add a little more flour or water if necessary).

4. Cover with plastic wrap, then with towel. Let rise for an hour in a warm place. (I wrap mine in an electric blanket set at its lowest setting).

5. Heat oven to 530F (this is not a typo - five hundred and thirty degrees!) and place oven rack at lowest possible position in the oven (closest to the oven's floor, but not actually on it).

6. Punch dough down. Divide into 10 balls. On a lightly floured surface, roll each ball to a circle a quarter of an inch thick about the size and shape of an average pita (sort of like a small thick tortilla).

7. Place pita circles on a baking sheet lined with baking paper (or with aluminum foil sprinkled generously with cornmeal). Cover loosely with a moist paper towel, then with a kitchen towel and let rest for 10 minutes.

8. Bake pitas for 5 minutes. Some will puff up, some won't. It's OK. See discussion above about being filled with hot air.

9. Remove pitas from oven and immediately place in a large pot and cover tightly with the pot's lid. Leave them there for 5 minutes. Finish cooling on racks (otherwise the bottom side will turn soggy).


Makes 10 pitas


Note: These pitas freeze well, if we're not just before Pesach, when the point is to get rid of them. Defrost in microwave. They might dry out if defrosted on counter top or in fridge.

Serve with olive oil for dipping, chummus, baba ganoush, or anything you like.

Striking gold

This week, my sister is visiting from Israel. She does not eat meat. Or wheat. Or dairy. Or most fruit. She used to be a challenge when we were young and I guess some things never change. 

What do you feed someone whose list of things-I-can't-eat is basically a description of the contents of my kitchen?

When in doubt, says Jewish tradition, study Torah. All the answers in the world are there. As the Talmudic sage Ben Bag-bag said "Study the Torah this way and that, everything is in it".

Very well, then, let's study this week's parasha. In parashat Terumah, G-d instructs the Israelite (via Moshe) on how to construct the Mishkan, the tent in which the ark of the covenant will dwell. Naturally, the tent is not empty. There are instructions on how to build the Aron (ark), the Shulkhan (table), the Menorah, the Mizbehakh (altar) and so on. And everything, everything, has gold in it. 

Luckily for the Israelite, they left Egypt with loads and loads of gold. One might have wondered what in the world do they need the gold for. It's very heavy to carry and is of no use in the desert. Well, now we know why they schlepped it all the way from Egypt. Practically every item of the Mishkan is either made of gold or is covered in gold. 

Technically, they will still be schlepping it but from now on, it will certainly be useful. In their desert wanderings and later on, too.

So here we see the Israelite being instructed to take something with difficult associations (gold from their former tormentors) and turn it into something wonderful that will be the basis of their future. 

Hmmm.... 

Siblings sometimes have difficult memories from a shared childhood. My sister is an amazing woman. Very accomplished, hard working and super talented. But she is still driving me crazy with impossible demands. 

So let's turn gold into.... well, gold. 

Food for people who don't eat most things

• 1 1/2 cups wild rice (about 9 ounces)
• 2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt
• 3 cups 1/2-inch cubes peeled butternut squash (from 11/2-pound squash)
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) butter or margarine*, divided
• 1 1/2 cups finely chopped leeks (white part only)
• 1 1/2 cups frozen white corn kernels, thawed
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh Italian parsley

Rinse rice in strainer under cold water; drain. Bring 6 cups water and 2 teaspoons coarse salt to boil in large saucepan. Add rice; bring to boil. Reduce heat; simmer uncovered until rice grains begin to split and are tender but still slightly chewy, about 45 minutes. Drain and let cool.

While rice cooks, preheat oven to 350°F. Oil rimmed baking sheet. Toss squash cubes and 3 tablespoons oil in medium bowl. Spread squash in single layer on prepared sheet; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast just until tender but firm enough to hold shape, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes. Transfer squash to bowl and let cool.

Melt 4 tablespoons butter (or margarine) in a large skillet over medium heat. Add leeks and 3/4 cup water; simmer until leeks are tender, about 7 minutes. Add corn; simmer 2 minutes longer. Add rice and butternut squash; simmer until heated through and liquid is absorbed, about 4 minutes. Stir in 2 tablespoons butter (or margarine) and parsley. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to bowl and serve. 

6-8 servings. 

* Note: You can use butter or margarine but the difference in taste is huge. Unless absolutely necessary, use butter.

"A plague on both your houses"

There is a curious distribution of plagues this week. You'd think that since there are 10 plagues, and we got so used to thinking about them as one unit, they will all appear in one parasha. Not so. 7 appear in this week's parasah, and the last 3 are kept in reserve for next week.

Generations of rabbis, scholars and commentators have struggled with the reason for this division. They came up with some very interesting explanations and beautiful midrashim.

However, they were all men. And in the good old days, men rarely, if ever, had to cook. The truth about this plagues division is very simple. The plagues represent a suggested Seder menu (as every woman worth her brisket knows, Pesach is all about the food) and there is a perfectly natural and simple reason to pause after the hail. Look at the following menu:

Appetizer: Salmon wrapped asparagus bundles in vinaigrette sauce.

Soup: Tomato and roasted pepper soup with pesto dumplings

Main course: Brisket (how else?)

Side dishes: 1. Quinoa almond pilaf

                   2. Wild beets in a light garlic and lemon sauce

                   3. Radishes, new potatoes and scallions salad

                   4. Pearl onions in a red wine vinegar reduction

Dessert: Dark chocolate truffles.

Now, wouldn't you say that there is a need for a palate cleansing sorbet somewhere in there? A pause that refreshes? Think raspberry-sauce-filled lemon sorbet balls. Perfect, isn't it?

So, naturally, the bible pauses after the hail plague and lets us refresh ourselves before the final onslaught.

But, says the bewildered reader, how does the above menu relate to plagues? Fair question. OK. List of plagues. But with a twist. They will not be in the order we are used to. Ready?

Locusts (Arbeh)

Blood and Frogs (Dam, Tsefarde-ah)

Dead cow (Dever)

Lice (Kinim)

Wild beasts (Arov)

Death of the first born (Bechorot)

Boils (Sh'chin)

Darkness (Choshech)

And, of course, our great divider, Hail (Barad).

For those who still don't see the connection, compare the two lists (menu and plagues) side by side.

Don't mention this comparison to your guests. Men do tend to get all bent out of shape when we call their attention to anything they did not come up with themselves. And kids pay too much attention to what the food is called instead of how it taste. So let's keep it between you and me, huh?

Recipes for plagues in this week's parasha

Blood soup

4 Tbs olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped

3 garlic cloves, sliced

1 red bell pepper, broiled, peeled and coarsely chopped

28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes in thick puree

Salt and pepper to taste

Saute onion in oil until golden brown. Add garlic and cook another minute.

Add tomatoes. Refill the can with water and add to pot. Season to taste.

Bring to a boil. Lower heat and cook, covered, over low heat for half an hour.

Puree soup (in blender, food processor or immersion blender) and continue cooking another 15 minutes.

Add seasonings as necessary.

7-8 servings

Frog dumplings

1 cup mashed potatoes made with no liquid or fat.

1 egg

1 tsp kosher salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/4 cup fresh basil processed in food processor (or chopped very fine) with 2 Tbs olive oil

3/4 cup potato starch

Mix all ingredients. Dough will be sticky and wet.

Shape with wet hands into dumplings the size and shape of large pecans and drop gently into a pot of salted boiling water.

Simmer over medium high heat for 10-12 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon into a colander (very gently), and immediately slide carefully unto a platter, separating the dumpling.

Note: Dumplings will be "slimy" and "rubbery" (sort of like a frog, I guess). Also sort of sticky when you cut them and very, very soft.

Add dumplings to soup and reheat gently.

Makes 22-23 dumplings

Very Important Note: You need to heat the dumplings in the soup but if you leave them there for more than a day, they become (to quote my family) "yucky". So only add the number you plan to actually serve that day, heat it up and save the rest in a covered dish to be heated with the soup next time. Oh, what the heck, you know you're gonna eat the whole thing on the spot. How else will you get to eat a frog?

Lice Pilaf

1 1/2 cup quinoa (The only kind that has a hechsher for Pesach does not need to be washed, which saves time and annoyance)

3 cups vegetable broth

1/8 tsp turmeric (optional)

1/8 tsp paprika (optional)

Salt to taste

1/3 cup slivered almonds, toasted

Bring broth to a boil. Add quinoa and spices. Cover and cook over very low heat for 20 minutes until all the liquid is absorbed. Cool to room temperature. Fluff with a fork. Mix almonds in.

6-7 servings

Wild beasts with garlic and lemon

1 bunch beets with leaves attached (about 4 medium beets)

3 Tbs olive oil

2 garlic cloves, minced

Juice of half a medium lemon (or more to taste)

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Separate beets and leaves. Boil or roast 2 of the bulbs. Peel and cube them. Save the other 2 bulbs for another use (why not make home-made ch'rain? Just kidding).

Wash leaves carefully and cut off the stems. Let the leaves drip dry, No need to dry them thoroughly.

Heat the oil in a skillet and cook the garlic over high heat for a few seconds (don't let it get brown). Add leaves and immediately turn heat to medium and cover well.

Cook leaves for 2 minutes, stirring occasionally but keeping the cover on between stirs.

Remove to a flat serving platter, add cubed beets, salt and pepper (has to be freshly ground and be generous with it) and lemon juice. Toss very gently.

Serve hot or cold. Can be made a day ahead but won't be as good.

4-6 servings

Beef brisket

Brisket is sacred. Everyone claims theirs is the "right one", every family has their favorite and every balehboosteh  knows (in her heart of hearts) that her way of cooking brisket is not only the best way but indeed the only way. The only thing we can all agree on is that in order for the brisket to work, the cow has to be departed from this world first and therefore this is an excellent dish to represent the fifth plague. Use your own (correction, "unique and best ever"), recipe.

Boils in red wine vinegar

2 Tbs margarine
1 Lb frozen pearl onions

3 Tbs sugar

3 Tbs red wine vinegar

1/2 Tbs balsamic vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

Pinch of black pepper

Thaw onions in a non metal colander (this will take a few hours).
Melt margarine in a large skillet over medium heat.

Add onions. Turn heat to high and cook, stirring occasionally for 8-10 minutes until onions start to brown (do not let them brown completely).
Turn heat to medium and add sugar and vinegars.
Cook 5 minutes, stirring frequently, until sauce thickens.
Add salt and black pepper.


6 servings

Hail sorbet

Buy (or make) parve lemon sorbet (or any other flavor where the sorbet is white). Scoop a ball of sorbet into a small serving dish.

Using a sturdy straw (or one of those cool gadgets that are used for inserting jam into a doughnut, or even a squeeze bottle with a long spout that is usually used for ketchup at a BBQ), fill the center of the sorbet ball with a tablespoon of raspberry or strawberry syrup (store bought or make your own by mixing seedless jam with a little bit of water until runny enough to use). This is much easier to do when the sorbet is a little soft.

Make one ball per person. You can refreeze the prepared ball (covered) until ready to use, in which case this can be made a few days ahead of time and kept in the freezer. Just soften it up a bit on the counter before serving

The idea for this came from my oldest daughter, who, as everyone knows, is a genius (and I am not saying this just because I am her mother or anything).

 

Yam Yam

I complained before about my husband's habit of buying perishables in bulk. However, this post is not about him (Just don't tell him that. The fragile male ego will never survive the thought that something is not about 'him').

Last week Shoprite had a sale on yams. You know these sales, a box of yams for a very good price (Albeit, says hubby, not as good as where he shops. I told you they can't take not being the center of attention). Yams are very healthy and, growing underground, they fit into my "Eating with the seasons" philosophy (more about that some other time). So I got a  box.

And you can guess the rest. I never even opened the blasted thing. Last night I just about had it. It's a large box, it's heavy and it generates guilt. And I do not need more things in my life that generate guilt, thank you very much. I have a husband, 2 teenage girls, a Jewish mother and a younger sister. I've got guilt.

To make matters worse, I have also bought (and promptly forgot about until I have unearthed it last night) some lovely Israeli couscous. You see I was at the kosher store a couple of weeks ago and they had this colorful couscous and I remembered that my little one does not eat any other type of pasta, so I got some. So I had the yams, I had the couscous and I had the guilt.

And here is what I did:

Yammy Israeli couscous

4 Tbs canola or vegetable oil

1 large onion, chopped

3 1/2 cups yams (about 2 large) cut into 3/4 inch cubes

8.8 oz (1 and 3/4 cups) colored (or regular) Israeli couscous
1 tsp kosher salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp paprika

2 1/2 cups boiling water

Saute the onion in the oil until slightly browned. 

Add yams. Cook over medium high heat for 3 minutes, stirring often.

Cover pot, reduce heat to very low and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 8 minutes, until yams are a little tender (not fully cooked, just not totally raw).

Add couscous and spices. Stir.

Add boiling water. Stir. Cover and cook over low heat 10 minutes or until all water is absorbed.

Makes about 6 or 7 cups.

As long as I was by the stove, I tossed together this little gem:

Chickpeas in pizza sauce

(because kids will eat anything if you call it pizza)

2 Tbs olive oil

1 tsp granulated garlic

1/4 tsp black pepper

2 tsp Italian seasoning

25 oz tomatoes, whole, from a can, with the liquid they were in (mine were in thick sauce, almost puree)

1 tsp kosher salt

3 cups cooked (or from a can) chickpeas

Chop the tomatoes.

Over low heat, saute garlic, pepper and Italian seasonings in oil for a minute, stirring. 

Add tomatoes and salt and bring to a boil.

Add chickpeas and cook uncovered over medium-low heat for about 20-25 minutes. There is no "ready" point, really. The liquid will reduce (hence the 'uncovered' part) and the whole thing will look slightly thicker than when you started it. It might thicken a little more after it cools. Just stir it. 

You can, of course carry the 'pizza' scam further and serve it with some cheese on top.

This makes about 6 servings (I served it with the couscous as a main vegetarian dish).

Now what will I do for guilt? No rest for the wicked.

Shabbat Shalom,

Osnat

Going with the grain

You may have noticed that our biblical ancestors (wise people) did not travel very far unless it was absolutely necessary. Some people say it was because traveling was a difficult, dangerous business in those primitive days. But we know better. The real reason people tended to stay home was then, as it is today, the terrible quality of travel food.
  
There's a lot of traveling in this coming Shabbat's Torah portion. Yosef's brothers travel back to Kna'an. Ya'akov and his whole household travel to Egypt. Yosef travels to Goshen to meet his father after years of separation. Ya'akov travels from Goshen to (presumably) the capital to see Pharaoh. Then he travels back to Goshen. Everyone in Egypt keeps traveling to see Yosef as the famine does not let up year after year. Even the animals travel as Ya'akov brings his cattle with him and the Egyptians end up selling theirs to the state in return for food.

So there is plenty of back and forth going on. And much of it has to do with food (or lack thereof). What do they eat on the way? We know that Ya'akov is taken care of. Yosef sends food with his brothers specifically to support them on their way to and from Kna'an. What does everyone else eat? Probably not much seeing as the whole point of their travel was to find food.


What do we eat when we travel? Many people are traveling this week. My Mother in law and both sisters in law (and their families) are traveling to Israel. I know they will eat really well once they get there. Fresh pitas, plump and warm from the oven. Street vendor's falafel, with all-you-can-stuff-in-your-pita salads and pickles. Wonderful produce. Really awesome dairy products. Shawarma. Yum.


But what will they eat on the way? We may feel sorry for the poor Egyptians of old (personally, I feel sorry for Egyptians right now, too), starving as they travel the land in search of food. But at least they did not have to put up with airline food, vending machines, rest areas' fast food stands and all those additives and preservatives. Granted, starving is worse, but, a case can be made, not by much.

If you must travel - pack you own food if you can. And do not pack chips and candy. They make you (and your kids) sick and grumpy. Get fresh fruit, baby carrots, grape tomatoes, dried fruit, simple roasted or raw nuts (not the sugared or heavily salted ones) and water, water, water. I know you can't get this stuff unto an airplane but check with your airline to see if you can bring small packages of dried fruit and nuts. You can also get packages of dried vegetables (surprisingly delicious) at whole food stores. Bring an empty water bottle and fill it up at the water fountain beyond the security check point. And yes, it is worth the trouble. You'll arrive less dehydrated and without a sugar crash.

Of course, if you want good food, the best way to go is stay home and make it yourself. This week's Torah portion talks about grains. The famine caused a lack of grains. Everything else stemmed from that initial lack. How many types of grains are in your pantry right now? How many do you use on a  regular basis? Having a vegetarian child forces one to explore strange new foods. Some interesting stuff comes out of it.


Really simple Quinoa dish

In a medium bowl mix:

 2 cups cooked quinoa (cook according to package instructions, cool and fluff grains)
1/3 cup dried cranberries
one half avocado (cubed)
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro (or parsley)
2 tablespoons minced red onion
1/3 cup slightly toasted almonds (or pine nuts).

Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Add a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil (you can add another tablespoon if the end result is too dry for your taste but if you add too much, the dish will become gummy and will not keep for more than a day). Mix gently. Serve cold or at room temperature.
This will keep for 2-3 days in the fridge but why keep it? we eat the whole thing as a main course.



Wheat berry and pomegranate salad

I really should not give out this recipe since it is one of my best sellers, but what the heck, let this be my gift to you for a healthy new year.

You can buy wheat berries in whole food stores, in bulk. Cook them in plenty of water with a little salt until they are soft but keep their shape (an hour, maybe). Drain and let cool. You'll need 4 cups of cooked berries so start with about one and a half cups uncooked).
Meanwhile, separate the seeds from one medium pomegranate. You will need about 1 cup of seeds.

Mix in a large bowl:

4 cups wheat berries
1 cup fresh pomegranate seeds
1 cups sliced scallions
1/2 cup dried cranberries,
1/2 cup toasted sunflower seeds

For dressing, mix:

7 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
6 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon pomegranate syrup (optional)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Combine salad and dressing and mix well. Serve cold or at room temperature.

This makes 7 cups of salad.