The bad wife

This week's parasha mentions bad wives. I'm sure my husband can relate. 

    

Actually, what the parasha talks about is a wife suspected of infidelity.  Since there apparently was no "innocent until proven guilty" when it came to wives, the poor woman must undergo some humiliating icky ordeal and only if passing the test is she declared innocent. Not only that, the kohen is to uncover her hair (big public humiliation) before the active part of the ordeal. So she is punished even before it is determined whether she is guilty or innocent.

I asked why that is so. And I was told that the woman is already guilty of behaving in a way that raised the husband's suspicion so she deserves to be punished. I totally hate that answer.  We all know of cases of overly jealous, unreasonable husbands who see any innocent act as "proof" of infidelity. What happens then? Yes, eventually we hope (!) the community will put an end to it but meanwhile the poor woman has to undergo trial after trial just to satisfy a need that cannot possibly be satisfied.

I have no answers. I don't even know how to answer my own beloved husband's accusations that I am on a secret mission to fatten him up (possibly in preparation for a future sacrifice.)

Hubby's birthday is this week. You would think I was going to make him a feast fit for a king.

You would be wrong.

Not that I don't love him, or want to spoil him, or am unable to whip up something awesome for him. I do and I can. 

Years ago I used to make his favorite dish on his birthday. It takes a lot of creative shopping as you need some things that are common in Israel but very hard to find here.

And every time I made it, he used to moan in pleasure, finish the whole thing and then get all upset because it was not the healthiest dish and it was fattening. 

Well, Duh. What are birthdays for? If you can't eat fattening, unhealthy foods on your birthday, why have birthdays at all?

But he used to get so upset that I stopped making it. Don't want to be a bad wife or risk that scary ritual described in the Torah (To which only suspected wives are to be subjected. No mention of suspected husbands. Even my MIL finds this aggravating.)

Therefore, I will not be making his favorite dish for his birthday. Sorry, honey.

Happy Birthday, dear. And I promise that reading about your favorite dish is extremely low fat.

Puff pastry shells with chicken livers and gizzards in mushroom gravy

See if you can get chicken livers (relatively easy) and chicken gizzards (not quite as easy.)  If not, you may succeed with substituting sausages: kielbasa, hot dogs, salami, corned beef. All cut into small chunks. They don't need to be cooked, just warmed in the sauce. The livers and gizzards, of course, must be cooked first, then cut into cubes or small chunks (bite size.)

You will also need puff pastry shells. These can be found in the freezer section of almost any supermarket and you bake them according to package instructions. Plan on one shell per person as appetizer or 2 as main dish (they're not so big.) You can also line muffin tins with scraps of puff pastry and bake them according to package instructions. It will work but it won't be as impressive.

And you will need mushrooms. Go wild. Use whatever mushrooms you like; sliced or chopped (again, your choice.) A mixture of different mushrooms is always a great hit in this dish.

Lastly, you will need Israeli mushroom bullion. You can get that at Israeli and kosher stores and in some supermarkets. If not, you can use other mushroom soup mix (if it's not dairy.) If you want to avoid this ingredient, there are ways to grind dried mushrooms and add flour or corn starch and create a similar effect (some say a better one.) Your call. 

So, for 6 shells, saute a medium onion (chopped, of course I mean chopped) in oil until light brown, add 2 cups mushrooms and cook until they release a lot of liquid, then continue cooking until the liquid is reduced by half. This can take 15 to 20 minutes. Watch the pan and stir occasionally. Add 1 cup chopped meats (already cooked/broiled) and spice it with salt and pepper (If you use sausages you'll need less seasonings. Use your judgement.) De-glaze the pan with  1/3 cup water mixed with 1/3 cup red wine (Or balsamic vinegar. Wine is better.) Add 2 tsp Israeli soup bullion (mushroom flavored). Bring to a boil, lower heat and cook 10-15 minutes until sauce thickens. If it doesn't thicken but  tastes good, go ahead and use it. As long as it's not totally soupy, it's fine.You have to watch this dish. You want plenty of sauce but you don't want it to be watery. More like thin oatmeal. If necessary, add liquid or boil longer, depending, in order to reach the right consistency.

Spoon into (and over) prepared shells and serve hot.

Sauce can be made ahead of time (even the day before) and reheated. Shells are best the day they were baked.




Warning: If you serve this to your husband, you may be accused of being a bad wife and end up having to drink yucky water.
In public.
I sometimes wonder if it's worth it to do nice things for the beasts.