SPY VS. SPY

Why did G-d tell Moshe to send spies into the promised land? Didn't He know what was in there? Haven't the Israelites agree to accept His word without questioning (at the mountain)? Didn't they accept the Torah sight unseen? Weren't they going to accept the land as well? Milk and honey, man, milk and honey. What's to oppose? What? They are going to demand their money back? refuse to accept G-d's gift? go back to Egypt (as they keep saying)? What's to check? 

Let's take a look at the seemingly innocent statement "accept the Torah sight unseen". It is true, they did accept the Torah without reading the fine print first. And what have they been doing since? Going against its instructions at every opportunity and grumbling about its rules the rest of the time. So, says G-d to himself, this time I'll make them check the deal from all angles before they commit themselves. It's a teaching moment and G-d is teaching them how to manage without lawyers. Very useful lesson.

G-d felt quite sure about the outcome. The land was flowing with milk and honey, as promised. The inhabitants were mighty, it's true, but part of the deal was that G-d will make them fall before the Israelites, so no worries on that front. Just a formality, He told Moshe, make them feel as if they are adults, signing the deed for their first apartment. Cool.

So they sent spies. Twelve. One from each tribe because the assumption was, if the guy is from our tribe, we'll be more inclined to believe his report, since he is, you know, family.

Right.

In the history of spy-dom there has never been such a group of nebbisheh spies as these spies. The way they present their report is almost Talmudic: On the one hand (singsong voice), the land really is flowing with milk and honey. On the other hand (rub the beard and sigh) oy, the giants, the giants. Who can make a decision based on such a report? And what do they bring from their little trip to another country? Fruit! What? there were no duty free perfumes and chocolates? Or, at the very least some milk and honey? Maybe a souvenir. A menorah carved from olive wood, a Bukharian style yarmulke.  No, they bring fruit. Nu, that will make everyone feel better.

Ten of the spies were all "Oh no, the giants were so gigantic. we were like crickets in their eyes. Surely we cannot overcome them. No, no, this land is beyond our powers." So, naturally, the people took up their favorite refrain: "For this we left Egypt?" Since, as we all know, Egypt was sooo much better.

But two of the spies. Yehoshua and Calev, were different. Mind you, they did not deny that the land was not as easy to take over as everyone wanted it to be. But they reminded the people that they are not entering the place alone. It was promised to them and the One who made that promise is going to help make it come true. As always, no one listened.

G-d, understandably, was a little ticked off. OK. A lot. Moshe (using words that were so useful, we have been using them every Yom Kippur since) managed to convince Him not to "Kill them. Kill them all" so the final verdict is as follows: "... roam the wilderness for forty years.... corresponding to the number of days - forty days - that you scouted the land; a year for each day" (Numbers 14:33-34). Don't wanna enter the land I provided? Fine. Go and wander in the desert for 40 years and see how you like that.

40. A good number. It was, the archaeologists tell us, the average life expectancy back then. So, in effect, they will wander in the desert for the rest of their lives. And instead of milk and honey, they will eat manna. And fowl.

Chicken with 40 cloves of garlic

(note: this is not my recipe. I copied it from one of my favorite cooks, Alton Brown . But I promise it's as good as it sounds)

• 1 whole chicken (broiler/fryer) cut into 8 pieces
• 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 10 sprigs fresh thyme
• 40 peeled cloves garlic (that's about 3 heads)
• Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Season chicken with salt and pepper. Toss with a 2 tablespoons olive oil and brown on both sides in a wide fry pan or oven proof skillet over high heat. Remove from heat, add 1/2 cup of oil, thyme, and garlic cloves. Cover and bake for 1 1/2 hours.

Remove chicken from the oven, let rest for 5 to 10 minutes and serve.