Of course he's heavy; He's my brother

I happen to know something about spoiled rotten younger brothers. Both hubby and I are the oldest in our families.

My brother was The Son. He was so spoiled that I had to get married just so I could get out of making his bed for him (boy was 16 at the time.) Not his fault, of course. I blame my parents (always and for everything; it's what parents are for, after all.)

Hubby's brother, Andy, was so spoiled that my MIL learned to cook and clean with one hand, the other being constantly occupied by a screaming babe.

But being spoiled is one thing. You can't help how your parents treat you or your siblings. After all, you got your brains from them so you shouldn't be surprised by their actions. The trouble starts when the spoiled brat grows up and continues to think the sun rises and sets for his sake. 

Andy is at least polite enough to pretend he has some respect for his big brother. My brother doesn't even bother to hide his feelings of superiority. And the worst part? He's usually (OK, OK, always, darn it) right.

So it is with great sympathy that I read this week's parasha. Yosef really is a huge pain in the neck. And it doesn't help that it turns out later (spoiler alert) that he was totally right and everything he dreamed about came true. That's just adding insult to injury. 

He was a spoiled brat. He was a show-off. And he was a pain in the tuchis. But he was right. Unfortunately for him, in order to be proven right, he had to be sold into slavery, exiled to Egypt and suffer, suffer, suffer. Which just goes to show that I should  have read the bible more often as a teenager. Could have used some ideas of how to deal with the pest back then (too late now, he's taller than me and has a wife to protect him.)

Bubba doesn't like most foodstuffs. He won't eat fish (or even be in a house where fish was cooked during the previous week), mushrooms, eggplants, zucchini or any soup. This is a partial list as it keeps changing with the weather. One of the foods that he doesn't eat is celery, which makes cooking a bit difficult as celery is used as  a base for many meat dishes, along with onions and carrots. And the beast will not eat a dish which was acquainted with celery even if it was chopped real small and cooked down to nothing. 

So, as an act of (pathetic) revenge on all annoying little brothers, here is a dish where celery (a very healthy vegetable) is a star. This is a variation on an Iranian dish. I omitted the meat because it's really not that necessary (feel free to add pieces of chicken or cubes of stew meat to this if you wish). See note at the end regarding the vegetable mix.

Celery stew


1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 cups chopped onion (I used 1 large onion and 1 medium onion)
1/2 pickled lemon, thinly sliced (or 2-3 Persian dried limes)
2 celery hearts, sliced into 1 inch long chunks (about 7 cups)
2 1/2 oz package of AASAN Dehydrated Vegetables for Sabzi Polo (see note)
1 tsp salt
6 cups water
1/2 tsp black pepper


1. Soak dried vegetables in warm water to cover for one hour. Carefully strain through cheesecloth or coffee filters. Squeeze gently.
2.Saute onions in oil over medium high heat until soft.
3. Add pickled lemon and cook one minute (if using dried limes, add them at step 4)
4. Add celery and drained vegetables, salt, pepper, and water. Bring to a boil.
5. Cook over low heat, partially covered for half an hour or  until the celery is soft but not falling apart. Add salt if necessary, to taste.

This is best served over basmati rice (see my post "Pierced ears" of 2/17/12) and will serve 10-12 people.

Note: AASAN Dehydrated vegetables are Iranian vegetables that are ready to cook. They can be found in Middle Eastern stores (not necessarily Iranian, try Indian, Syrian, Lebanese, etc.) They have a hechsher which I will try to describe (the letters RCC inside the letter K) and which was approved by my frummie sister in law. Use your judgement. Even though this dish is not Sabzi Polo, this is the mix I used (they have many other mixes) and it worked beautifully. I think other mixes may work too - you may have to explain what you are planning to cook and rely on help from the shopkeeper. 
Dried Persian limes can be found in similar stores. I don't know about hechsher. I use home made pickled ones (see: "Harvest time" 10/5/12). In a pinch, just add lemon juice to taste (start with 1/4 cup) at the end of cooking. Won't taste the same, though.


And if all else fails, I understand the Yishmaelites are still in the market for slaves. Arrogant, pesky young brothers - beware.